Happy Tree Friends jackass
by McQueenfan95
Summary: The HTFs make a new jackass movie. Nuff said. Rated M for language and jackass. I wanna be covered.
1. Chapter 1

**Ok, time for a new story. Welcome to Happy Tree Friends **_**jackass**_**. If you have an OC or a stunt you wanna see done, feel free to drop it in the review box. Speaking of OCs, I only own Prickly and Toby. Mimi and Meera belong to Gunslingers-White-Rose. Remember, if you're gonna leave a OC. I need a name, age, spieces, personality, bio, ad any accessories they have with they have. I'll give you an opening scene. By the way, Do not try anything that you're about to see at home. These guys and girls are what you would call (air quotes) "Pro-fess-ion-als". I have'ta pay them. And their medical bills. Note to self: Increase employee medical insurance. Anyway, Enjoy the story.**

"Hi, I'm Prickly", said Prickly, the blue porcubear with red quills who was wearing avaitor sunglasses.

"I'm Cuddles", said Cuddles.

"I'm Mimi", said Mimi, the blue cat.

"I'm Meera", said Meera, the black cat.

"I'm Toby", said Toby, the black tarantula that looked more like a deformed bear.

"I'm Flippy", said Flippy.

"I'm Disco Bear", said Disco Bear.

"I'm Handy", said Handy.

"I'm Splendid", said Splendid.

"I'm Toothy", said Toothy.

"I'm Nutty", said Nutty.

"I'm Flaky", said Flaky.

"I'm Lumpy", said Lumpy, facing the wrong way.

"I'm Russel", said Russel.

"I'm Petunia", said Petunia.

"I'm Giggles", said Giggles.

"I'm Sniffles", said Sniffles.

"I'm Lifty", said Lifty.

"I'm Shifty", said Shifty.

"I'm The Mole", said The Mole.

"I'm Mime", mouthed Mime.

"And I'm Prickly", said Prickly, "Welcome to _jackass_".

Flippy hit Disco Bear over the head with a baseball bat.

"AND SO IT BEGINS!", yelled Toby.

**Opening scene, done. I'm accepting OCs. I might even have a few of my own. If you loan me your OC, thank you. Tune in next time. Same **_**jackass**_** time, same **_**jackass**_** station.**


	2. shopping cart tricks

**Hey Y'all. I just wanna say thank you to xXForgottenSoldierXx, Crazypuckchick208, Kingfish224, whyareyourightinfrontofme, and Gunslingers-White-Rose for allowing me to use your OCs. Speaking of OCs, I only own Prickly, Toby and Tux. On with **_**jackass**_**!**

"Hi, welcome back", said Prickly, "Before we get started, we have some new characters to introduce".

"I'm Megan", said Megan, a green cat.

"I'm Ryder", said Ryder, a grey hyena.

"I'm Cherry", said Cherry, an orange hyena.

"I'm Midnight", said Midnight, a black panther.

"I'm Nikolai", said Nikolai, a midnight blue badger with a tuft of white fur ontop of his head.

"I'm Demitri", said Demitri, a dark red badger.

"And We're the DiAmsia brothers", Demitri and Nikolai said together.

"I'm Twitchy", said Twitchy, a blue bear with a tuft of red fur ontop of his head.

"I'm Tux", said Tux, a penguin wearing a tuxedo dickie.

"And I'm Prickly", said Prickly, "It's time for _jackass_".

The camera zooms out, revealing that everyone is standing in a mall parking lot with several shopping carts all around them.

"Today, We're going to do 'shopping cart tricks'", said Prickly.

A few minutes later.

Twitchy sat in a shopping cart at the top of a hill, wearing a football helmet and shoulder pads. "I'm Twitchy, and this is 'shopping cart crash test'", he said. "What I'm gonna do, is ride this shopping cart down this hill and crash into the Jersey Barrier at the bottom".

Prickly got ready to push the cart and counted down, "5... 4... 3... 2... 1... GO!", he yelled as he pushed the cart over the crest of the hill.

Twitchy screamed in a mixture of joy and terror as the cart raced down the hill. Halfway down, one of the wheels suddenly flew off and the cart flipped over, throwing Twitchy, ass over tea kettle, another 20 yards.

Toby, Tux and Prickly ran to where Twitchy lay, laughing.

"What happened?", said Prickly.

"I don't know. I think I hit a pothole or something", said Twitchy.

"I didn't know bears could fly", said Toby.

"Look at that. There's your problem, right there", said Tux, pointing at the remains of the shopping cart, "The wheel fell right off".

"Let's get another cart and do it again", said Twitchy, "I wanna finish this stunt".

A few minutes later.

Twitchy said, "I'm Twitchy and this is 'shopping cart crash test', take 2".

Prickly yelled, "3... 2... 1... GO!", and pushed the cart over the crest of the hill.

This time, the cart made it all the way to the bottom of the hill. It plowed into the barrier and crumpled like an empty beer can under a boot. Twitchy was thrown from the cart, flew for 30 yards and landed safely on the pad of hay bales on the other side of the barrier.

""TWITCHY! YA DEAD?", yelled Midnight.

"I'M OK!", yelled Twitchy.

That was pretty much perfect", said Megan.

"I think the cart failed the test", said Cherry.

"I gotta try this", said Ryder.

"Not now, later", said Prickly.

Toby helped Twitchy drag the mangled remains of the shopping cart back up the hill. "Well, there's your problem", Toby said with a smile as he pointed at the crumpled frame.

A few minutes later.

Nikolai sat in a shopping cart with a football helmet on his head. Demitri stood behind the cart, ready to sprint. Lifty and Shifty looked exactly the same at the other end of the lot.

"We're the DiAmsia brothers", Nikolai and Demitri said together.

"We're the Raccoon twins", Lifty and Shifty said together.

"And this is 'super shopping cart sha-bam'", said Nikolai.

Midnight counted off, "3... 2... 1... HIT IT!".

Demitri and Shifty charged at each other. The carts hit head on in the middle of the parking lot. Nikolai and Lifty were both thrown from their carts and they smashed into each other in mid-air. Shifty and Demitri smashed into the back of their carts. They all fell to the ground, rolling around in pain.

"Walk it off", said Meera.

"I don't think we can", said Lifty.

"In that case", said Mimi, "Roll around. Just roll around on the ground".

"While we wait for them to recover, we're gonna move onto the next stunt", said Prickly.

A few minutes later.

Toby was sitting in a shopping cart, wearing a football helmet and shoulder pads. He was holding onto a length of his web that was attached at the other end to the trailer hitch of Prickly's truck. "Hi, I'm Toby the tarantula, and this is 'high speed shopping cart'", he said.

Prickly started the truck and punched the gas.

"WOOOOOHOOOO!", screamed Toby as Prickly towed him over a ramp.

Prickly suddenly made a hard right turn and Toby continued straight into the curb. He was thrown out of the cart and he landed flat on his face.

"TOBY? ARE YOU ALRIGHT?", yelled Tux as he ran to where Toby was.

"NOT TO WORRY!", yelled Toby, "I ONLY LANDED ON MY HEAD!".

Prickly jammed on the brakes and threw his truck into reverse. He slid to a stop inches from backing over Tux. "That was awesome", he said as he climbed out of the truck, "You ok, Toby?".

"I'm fine", said Toby.

A few minutes later.

Flippy was dressed as a king, Flaky was dressed as a queen, Petunia was dressed as a princess, Tux was dressed as a prince and they were all sitting on throne looking chairs. Flippy yelled, "I am King Flippy The First. Bow down to me!".

Cuddles entered the shot with a Vuvuzela, played a few notes and said, "Hear Me! Hear Me!", he yelled.

"It's 'Hear _ye_! Hear _ye_!", corrected Tux.

Petunia gave him a weird look.

"What?", said Tux, "I like going to the Renaissance fair".

Cuddles rolled his eyes and played his Vuvuzela again. "Hear ye! Hear ye! This is 'shopping cart jousting'". He gestured to Prickly, who was wrapped up in aluminum foil and wearing a football helmet, trying to look like he was wearing armor, and said, "From the east, the reigning champion, Sir Prickly!".

Prickly raised an arm, as if to say, 'Here I am'.

Cuddles then gestured to Disco Bear, who was dressed the same way as Prickly, only he wasn't wearing a helmet, for fear of messing up his afro, he was only wearing an old style hockey mask like Jason Voorhees, and said, "And, from the west, the challenger, Sir Disco Bear!".

Disco Bear tried to strike a disco pose, but failed.

Flippy raised his fake septor and said, "The loser shall be my bitch!".

"Let the joust begin!", said Cuddles as he made more noise with his Vuvuzela.

Splendid pushed Prickly's cart. Toothy pushed Disco Bear's cart. Prickly and Disco Bear lowered their lances and prepared to make contact.

Prickly's lance hit Disco Bear in the chest and pushed him out of his cart and onto Toothy.

"NOOOOO! TOOTHY!", Splendid screamed as he ran to were Toothy lay. "Get off of him, ya fatass", he yelled as he threw Disco Bear off of Toothy. "Toothy, are you alright?", he asked. 

Toothy got up, rolled his head around on his neck and said, "I'm fine".

"Are you sure?", Splendid asked, "You've got quite a lump on your head".

"It's just a flesh wound. I'll be fine", said Toothy.

Prickly was still rolling along in his cart. He did the only thing he could, he jammed his lance into the ground. The momentum lifted Prickly and his shopping cart up off the ground a few feet, then slamming him back down. "I GOT A NEW IDEA!", he yelled.

A few minutes later.

Prickly was sitting in a shopping cart at the top of a hill, still wearing his football helmet and foil armor. He said, "I'm Prickly, and this is 'shopping cart pole vault'. What I'm gonna do is ride this shopping cart down this hill and use my lance to try and pole vault over the Jersey Barrier".

"Here we go.", said Ryder, "3... 2... 1... GO!", and he pushed Prickly's cart over the crest of the hill.

Prickly screamed in joy as he rocketed down the hill. He lowered his lance to pole vault, and as soon as the lance touched the ground, it snapped in two. Prickly crashed headlong into the barrier. The cart crumpled and Prickly was thrown over the barrier.

'PRICKLY!", Midnight screamed as she ran down the hill to where Prickly was.

"Did I make it?", asked Prickly.

"Are you ok?", asked Midnight.

"Yep", said Prickly, "I think I actually bounced. I gotta getta new lance", he said, holding up the remains of his old one.

"Wanna give it another shot?", Midnight asked.

"You bet I do", said Prickly.

Toby was helping Prickly to drag the remains of his cart back up the hill. "Ya know", he said, "If we get caught, we're gonna have to pay for all of the carts we destroyed. We'll probably get arrested for vandalism".

Prickly put a hand on Toby's shoulder and said, "Awww you, always the level headed one. Always worried about the consequences. Lighten up, will ya?".

Toby rolled four of his eight eyes.

"Hey, don't roll half your eyes at me", said Prickly.

"Besides, Toby", Midnight said, "If the cops showed up, they'd see your face and arrest you for mooning".

"Will you guys hurry up and get back up here?", said Megan.

"Yeah, we have other stuff to do!", said Cherry.

Midnight just rolled her eyes.

A few minutes later.

Prickly was reset in a new cart. His foil armor was replaced with padding and his lance was replaced with a fiberglass pole. He said, "I'm Prickly and this is 'shopping cart pole vault', take 2".

Ryder counted down, "3... 2... 1... GO!", pushed the cart.

"YEEEEEE HAAAAAW!", Prickly yelled as he rocketed down the hill. He jammed the pole into the ground and it catapulted him. The whole cart flew right over the barrier. The cart flipped once in the air and landed on it's wheels, Prickly still sitting inside it. "IT WORKED!", Prickly screamed.

Toby, Midnight, Flippy, Flaky, Splendid, Toothy, Handy and Nutty came running down the hill. All of them yelling their fool heads off.

Prickly climbed out of the cart, took his helmet off and held his arms up over his head. He had completed the ultimate stunt.

Midnight reached him first and wrapped him in a hug. They were soon hit by Toby, Flippy, Flaky, Splendid and the rest, knocking them all into a huge heap.

Prickly stuck his head out of the bottom of the heap and said, "Alright, that's the show. Tune in next time where we'll do some more stunts. Same _jackass_ time, same _jackass_ station. I'm Prickly and this is _jackass_. Bye".

**Huh? What do you think? Please let me know. Btw, if you look in the community section and the forums section, you'll see that there is a new entry called, "HTF pervert club". If you're a pervert, please join us. I gotta go do some stuff. I'm McQueenfan95. Bye.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys. Here we are with a new episode of **_**HTF jackass**_**. Today, there's going to be more random stunts. Let's get to it.**

"Hi, I'm Prickly Quills", said Prickly.

"I'm Twitchy", said Twitchy.

"Welcome to _jackass_", said Prickly.

The camera zoomed out to show Prickly and Twitchy standing on an old bridge with a stuffed dummy between them.

"This is 'dummy drop'", said Twitchy.

Prickly and Twitchy picked the dummy up, threw it off of the bridge and watched it fall directly infront of a passing car. The car ran over the dummy and slid to a stop. The driver, a generic tree friend, got out, bawling his eyes out.

"Oh my God! I ran over somebody!", he cried.

Prickly and Twitchy just started laughing.

The driver looked up at them and noticed the camera. He then picked up a rock and threw it at them.

Prickly hopped to the side and the rock missed him.

The driver flipped them off, got back into his car and laid rubber as he pulled away, dragging the dummy with him.

(fade to black, fade back in)

"Hi, I'm Disco Bear", said Disco Bear.

The camera zoomed out the reveal Disco Bear was lying, spead eagle, on a bed, wearing only his cheetah man-thong. **[nice image, huh? *vomits*]**

"And this is 'full body waxing'", he said.

Giggles spread hot wax through Disco Bear's thick chest hair. Petunia laid down the waxing strips, the part that you actually use to rip the hair off.

Giggles ripped one of the strips off Disco Bear's chest.

Disco Bear screamed in pain.

Petunia grabbed a strip on his stomach and said, "I'll do it on 'Three'. One... Two", and she ripped the strip off.

"OOOOklahoma!", Disco Bear cried.

Each person lined up to rip off some wax and cause Disco Bear pain.

Tux ripped a strip off of Disco Bear's inner thigh. Prickly took a strip from Disco Bear's chest hair and slowly ripped it off.

When Toby's turn came, he pulled on a pair of latex examination gloves. "Y'all might wanna look away", he said with a smirk. He then lifted Disco Bear's thong and spread wax in his pubes.

"Don't touch that!", Disco Bear yelled, "What the fuck are you doing?", he asked.

"If I was Petunia or Giggles, you wouldn't care. Just close your eyes and imagine I'm Petunia", Toby said with a smirk as he laid the waxing strip in the wax. **[Yes, Toby the tarantula is Bi-sexual. So what?]**

"This is really gonna hurt", said Disco Bear.

Toby grabbed the strip and ripped it off.

Disco Bear screamed in pain.

Toby looked at the strip and said, "Wow. It looks like I ripped a strip out of your afro".

"How do you feel?", Midnight asked.

"I think my balls are bleeding", said Disco Bear.

(fade to black, fade back in)

The gang is standing at the top of a big hill. They have a giant ball with them.

"Hi, I'm Prickly, and this is 'zorb jumping'", said Prickly. "What is zorbing?", he said, "It's pretty simple. You climb inside a giant inflatable ball and ride down a hill in it. I am going to ride this fucker down this hill, hit a ramp, and try to jump over a car".

"I really hope he makes it, because we're using my car", said Tux.

"Now", Prickly said, "Just so you guys at home can see how it looks, I'm wearing a helmet cam that is aimed at my head".

The view changes to that from the helmet cam.

Prickly looked into the camera, waved and said, "Hiiiiii". He then taped his quills down and squeezed into the ball.

Megan, Cherry, Ryder, Mimi, Meera, Nikolai, Demitri, Midnight and Twitchy all gathered behind the ball and gave it a mighty shove.

Prickly bounced around inside the ball as it rolled down the hill.

The ball hit the ramp squarely and was launched into the air. It sailed over Tux's car, barely missing the radio antenna.

When the ball landed, Prickly was thrown into the floor causing the tape holding his quills to break. He was then thrown into the side and his quills pierced the ball. The ball quickly deflated around him, effectively trapping him. Prickly whipped out his K-Bar commando knife and began cutting his way out.

Everyone ran down the hill to make sure he was ok.

As Prickly began to crawl out through the hole he had cut, Midnight called, "I can see the head, Mrs. Quills!".

"Did I make it?", Prickly asked as he staggered out of the ball's remains.

"You sure did", said Tux, "Didn't even touch the aerial!".

(fade to black, fade back in)

"Hi, I'm Prickly Quills, and this is 'roller disco truck", said Prickly. He was wearing a blue disco suit with matching roller skates and a red afro wig.

Toothy took one look at him and said, "Oh my God, that outfit is LOUD! This isn't Carnival. What the hell are you on?".

Prickly just ignored Toothy and said, "It's cut and dried, we're going to try to roller disco in the back of a truck while it's driving around. It's a surprise for Disco Bear because he was such a good sport about the full body waxing".

A few minutes later.

"It's just a little further", Petunia said to a blindfolded Disco Bear.

"Well, go ahead. Take the blindfold off", said Giggles.

Disco Bear took off the blindfold and his jaw hit the floor when he saw the decorations, the old stereo and the Disco ball hanging from the ceiling. He said, "Holy cow! You guys threw me a Disco party? Wow!".

"That's not all", said Midnight as she tossed Disco Bear a pair of roller skates.

"Roller Disco! I haven't been to a Roller Disco in years!", said Disco Bear.

"But wait!", said Mimi.

"There's more!", said Meera.

Prickly, Toby, Tux, Cuddles, Flippy, Handy, Russel and Twitchy jumped through the curtain that was hiding the entrance of the truck. All of them wearing Disco suits, matching skates and afro wigs.

Prickly struck a Disco pose and yelled, "DISCO'S COMIN' BACK, BABY!".

Midnight facepalmed as she closed the door.

"Oh yeah!", growled Disco Bear.

A few minutes later.

They were all Disco dancing to _Electric Avenue_ when suddenly, the truck took off, Ryder behind the wheel.

The conga line that was going on in the back smashed into the door.

"WHAT THE HELL?", yelled Disco Bear as he tried to get up.

"NOT GROOVY!", yelled Handy as he rolled around on the floor, helpless.

Russel slammed into the wall as the truck turned. Flippy crashed into Russel. The Disco ball fell and landed on Cuddles' head. Twitchy fell and landed on Prickly's quills. Tux and Toby plowed into each other.

Ryder slammed on the brakes and everyone was thrown against the front wall of the truck.

When the dust cleared, almost everyone had managed to pry themselves apart, except for Toby and Tux.

Toby was still lying ontop of Tux. He looked him in the eyes and said, "This reminds me of all those nights in college".

"Oh, shut up!", Tux said, "I was only Bi-curious and I was a very heavy drinker".

"You know you liked it", said Toby.

Everyone took a half step away from them.

(fade to black, fade back in)

"Hi, I'm Lumpy and this is 'the police brutality trick'. Move the camera. Hide the camera", said Lumpy as he snuck up on a police officer. He said, "Excuse me, Officer. I lost my doggie over by the...", and grabbed the cop's gun. He then fired a shot through his own foot.

The cop, a generic tree, whipped out his tazer and shocked Lumpy in the lower back.

Lumpy dropped the gun and fell to the ground.

(fade to black, fade back in)

Prickly held up a pair of stilts and said, "Hi, I'm Prickly, and this is 'the stilt trick'".

A few minutes later.

Twitchy climbed up onto the stilts and was walking along, when all of a sudden, Prickly and Flippy hit him in the chest with baseball bats. Twitchy fell to the ground.

A few minutes later.

Prickly climbed onto the stilts and was walking along. "Doodley doodly do", he sang. Suddenly, Twitchy and Flippy hit him in the chest with baseball bats. Prickly fell to the ground and Twitchy hit him over the head, rendering him unconscious.

(fade to black, fade back in)

Prickly, who had a bandage around his head, held up a baseball bat and said, "I'm Prickly and this is 'the bat catcher challenge'. Ya catch a bat with your teeth for points". He then threw the bat at the crowd.

Nikolai jumped up to catch the bat in his teeth, but wasn't fast enough. The bat hit him square in the side of the head. He fell to the ground.

"Maybe this wasn't a good idea", said Prickly.

(fade to black, fade back in)

"I'm Disco Bear, and this is 'self-defense'", said Disco Bear as he started to showcase the self-defense items. "We have some tools here. We're gonna test them and see which is the best for consumer self-defense. We got... pepper spray... tazers... nun-chucks... bats...", he picked up a board with a nail driven through it, "Oh, Hell no", he said as he tossed it away.

A few minutes later.

"This is pepper spray", said Demitri as he help up the can.

Flippy had his head turned as he held Disco Bear.

"GIMME ALL YOUR MONEY!", yelled Disco Bear.

Demitri sprayed him in the face.

Disco Bear screamed in pain, put his hands to his face and fell to the ground.

A few minutes later.

Nikolai, who had a black eye, held up the tazer and said, "This is the tazer".

Disco Bear wiped his eyes on his sleeve and said, "YOU'RE ABOUT TO BE MY BITCH!".

Nikolai quickly zapped Disco Bear in the stomach.

Disco Bear shook slightly, collapsed and laid still.

A few minutes later.

Disco Bear was drinking something out of a flask and said, "That's it for self-defense. I'm not gonna do anymore. The pepper spray was tough. The tazer hurt like a sonofabitch. I'm not goin' anywhere near the rest of this stuff. Fuck that".

Cuddles ran up behind him and wacked him over the head with a baseball bat.

(fade to black, fade back in)

Prickly smiled and said, "That's all for today, folks. I'm Prickly Quills, and this has been _jackass_. Goodnight".


End file.
